I wrote an essay in the summer of 2015 when I was in the deep end of personal change. Plans were made, tickets were bought, and I was catapulting myself out of my comfort zone a hundred miles an hour. I was changing my life. I still had doubts and fears and still questioned everything every single day. I saw a call for submissions from Elizabeth Gilbert who was going to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of her breakthrough memoir Eat Pray Love with the release of a book taken from readers’ stories.
Stories of transformation, stories of change, stories like mine.
I sat and I wrote. It all spilled out in the matter of minutes. I sat on the essay for weeks before finally deciding to send it in. I didn’t tell anyone about this because I never thought that it would be selected. I mainly wrote it for myself. By writing this essay I was confirming my need for change and especially reminding myself why I was doing it.
It felt satisfying simply writing it.
A few months later I received an email telling me that my essay had been selected for publishing. I was a week away from leaving my life as I knew it and this gave me the extra push of self confidence I needed to confirm that I was on the right path. I took this excellent news as a sort of validation that my dreams were not crazy after all. I knew that this would be a stepping stone to so many exceptional things to come. After the initial ecstatic feeling came the realization that this was going to be published in perhaps hundreds of thousands of copies and not a single soul knew about it. The cold sweats and the “what the fuck have I done?” suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. The essay is very personal and contains some information that not a lot of people know about. I had to pass it by my best friend first to see what she thought. She loved it and was truly touched by the honesty and humour that poured out of my essay. Honesty that she said would certainly resonate with other women. She reminded me that I shouldn’t regret anything I have done in the past, and my present journey was revealing itself in great ways.
Facing my fears and not hiding my authentic self is the focus of this journey after all.
My story will resonate with other women. I am not alone. Others have been where I am, and others will follow.
That was all the truth I needed.
Fearlessly onward bound.